“Setting boundaries, picking your battles, and balancing between the two.”

One of the most difficult issues that parents and preschool teachers face is the balance between “picking your battles”, and “setting consistent boundaries.” It is a daily struggle for the teachers at Kid Time; deciding how to react in any given situation. We must weigh during each interaction with the children whether this is going to be a learning moment, or whether it is necessary to interfere. Obviously, no boundaries are very dangerous for children. Children under five have not yet developed the knowledge of what is safe or not. Taken the other direction, setting limits for the purpose of controlling the child is equally dangerous. It not only fosters resentment between you and the child, but it also inspires rebellion from the child in the way of power struggles, temper tantrums, etc.

Picking your battles is a term I hear on a daily basis from parents and teachers. It generally means not pushing the child on every little thing, for the honorable

purpose of not controlling their lives too much and letting them make some decisions and mistakes. The danger here is that when things become too inconsistent, and the child does not know what their clear boundary is, they feel very unsafe and tend to test the limits further, just to make sure that someone will stop them and keep them in a safe place. I have always marveled that whenever I have a difficult interaction with a child, and they are seemingly upset with me, immediately afterward they want to sit with me, love and

cuddle me, etc. They realize that because I followed through and said no in an

appropriate situation, that I am helping them to remain safe and they will always know what to expect from me. This can be a very reassuring feeling.

Setting boundaries is a necessary part of raising children. In preschool, you hear a lot of emphasis on preparing the children for Kindergarten. I have to ask…what about life? In life, there are rules we have to follow, laws to keep our citizens safe, societal norms that allow all of our different personalities to coexist. Without those boundaries, if we were left to act solely upon our feelings and instincts, most of us would have been fired from our jobs, would have lost many loved ones, chaos would ensue, and would be left wondering why? It is important that for our children of a very young age, we begin to show them what the world is really like. It is our duty to teach them, and sometimes that

means saying no, seeing them cry, and making sure afterward when the storm has cleared, why the answer was no.

All of us, teachers and parents, are shaping the way our children will see the world. Early childhood is the time to teach them to respect authority, and how to respectfully challenge it. Early childhood is the time to teach them that their feelings matter, but do not stop the world from turning. My challenge for us as parents and teachers is to always ask ourselves what our motivation is. We should try to make our actions and words mean something…teach something…even if its not easy or convenient.